*In this article I use the word condition specifically in its meanings as "something essential to the appearance or occurrence of something else" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). From this point of view condition can be viewed as environment
So...
Through this lens- is "unconditional" a myth?
Let me explain. Nature adjusts all the time. She's looking to create a dynamic balance, a dancing harmony than just acceptance and no conditions all the time. When something is out of balance, she tweaks it up and comes up with creative solutions of how this balance needs to be restored.
Can you imagine Life on this planet where there are no conditions? I know I cannot.
Life on Earth is conditional. Existence without conditions is impossible. It is death.
The laws of physics and chemistry depend on meeting conditions.
In order for us to live we need oxygen to breathe. We need the right weather conditions to grow our food. We need the right temperature for our human bodies to survive.
In order for plants to live they need sunlight. They need water, they need nutrients. That's a condition for their survival.
In order for Life on this planet to flourish there are many many fine tuned conditions that need to be met.
So how come we humans came to the idea that denying our needs and conditions to flourish as beings is a good thing, especially when it comes to interactions with other humans and more specifically with the ones, closest to us- families, partners, friends, communities?
In our early years our parents/caregivers, our school, the church spend a good amount of energy and effort to "civilise" us, to adapt us to the way they and the rest of society live their lives. And in those early years for most of us the basic "physical survival tool kit" of needs and conditions to survive is covered- the need for water/food, for roof over our heads, for clothes...
And yet there is another "tool kit", - "the emotional" and the "spiritual thriving" tool kit of needs we have and if these are not met, we do not have the internal reality of what it means to thrive. The conditions creating this reality are missing.
In this tool kit we have compassion, play, freedom of expression, emotional safety, love and acceptance and encouragement to follow one's creative impulses.
And the needs in the second, equaly important tool kit, have been thwarted for most of us.
Being dependant on our parents for our physical and emotional survival, we were taught from an early age that there are certain set of rules around our belonging and parents/caregivers' love , making it feel out of our reach. We learned that in order to receive it we need to work harder, become better and please everyone else, putting our authentic needs aside. And so the conditions for our soul to thrive were not fulfilled.
I will take a little detour here and will look at this topic in socio-economic context.
Not being in touch with our true needs is one of the goals of our capitalistic society, deeply rooted in the patriarchal beliefs of law, order and unconditional obedience to the head of the family (the word patriarch itself derives from the greek word for father "pateras"- the man who rules a family, clan, or tribe. More modern versions of patriarch are the pope, the president, the leader of a political party, the priest, the police officer, the government, CEOs etc- anyone who represents authority and power). Most of us had very close experiences of how it feels to be subdued to someone else's authoritarian agenda.
We humans do not really believe in Nature's law and order and the laws of karma- (“the idea that every act, thought or intention carries a charge, which in time creates a domino effect that returns to us at a later date” 33rd Gene Key). So we created our own.
And patriarchy created hierarchy- the social, economical and sexual structure of ranks, grades, casts, sexes, genders... of something or someone always being subordinate or less than another one.
And hierarchy created slavery and capitalism- A socio-economic system based on private property rights, including the private ownership of resources or capital, with economic decisions made largely through the operation of a market unregulated by the state. (source: the web)
Growing up in these conditions of pressure, power game struggles and survival of the fittest, we have internalised the denial of out true needs- (among many others) the need for deep rest, the need to withdrawal and replenish, the need to communicate and to be understood, the need to be creative, the need to be loved, the need to be respected and seen as worthy....and instead we became people pleasers in a system which does not pleases us. We have been groomed to become the force for our own soul's obliteration .
We forgot we are a part of the natural world and nothing in the natural world could healthily exist without some conditions and basic needs fulfilled. If we have no conditions, no sweet spot around our time, our energy, our friendships, our families and loves... we set up ourselves for a very unpleasant experience while walking through life.
The good news is that this conditioning is reversible. And it begins with the individual. We can go all day long blaming the world and its systems, but the truth is that this world, this system is co-created by all of us and us agreeing to be a part of it. It will take every single one of us to wake up and realise that we are living in a self-made hell and we have to detangle our own agreements with the mess.
And our liberation can truly begin by realising the healthy conditions aka the sweet spot, in which one thrives. Not the limitations imposed by the world outside.
But one's very own nutritious environment.
What's the temperature of the love you need?
What is the taste of the deep rest you long for?
What is the sound of your joy?
What's the color of your anger?
The texture of your grief?
We often hear about unconditional acceptance and I've wondered if it's also a myth? As we see nothing can exist without conditions.
I've come to realize that to me unconditional acceptance is a divine treat; its not a human one and I am not sure if it's meant to be a human one. Unconditional acceptance is the way the Divine loves us- without conditions, but with consequences. And consequnces not as punishments (as patriarchal religions would want us to believe), but as results of our own actions and choices.
A good example of how this translates in our human world is the way we choose to love (yes, love is a choice). We can spend lifetimes caught in the drama, the ups and downs of emotional enmeshment and projections eg. the myth of the One and flawless love (which is an externalised projection of our yearning for union with Source/God.) or we can be utterly honest with ourselves and others about our needs, desires and vision for our life ahead.
"I can love you, but if you do not respect me or love me the way I need to be loved and respected (these being my conditions to thrive), you do not have a place in my life (the consequences). My love may not have conditions, but my thriving does. "
It always break down to the individual. You. Me. And whatever we embody- it flows in our intimate relationships, then into our families, our communities, our nations...our humanity.
What environment do we need to thrive?
Love
Hrissi
