It is okay for things total part and not to know how to pick up the pieces
It is okay not to be able to stand on your feet and ask for help
It is okay to feel, scared, angry, hurt, wounded, traumatised.
I often find myself frustrated that I am not okay. That I feel the way I feel.
And yet....it is okay that we feel that way. Broken, lost, afraid, uncertain, unadequate. This is what makes us human. This is what unites us.
The truth is any emotion that you could imagine is based on your body's chemistry and a particular belief your mind has, which is being challanged or confirmed in this moment. We don't have an issue with the positive emotions. We welcome and celebrate them. We do not feel "okay" when a challanging one appears. And yet...all of them are part of our human experience. Not wanting them never made them disappear. It just builded up a resitance towards what is alive within us in every moment.
And what is alive in our bodies in every given moment is OKAY!
Because the body has its own wisdom and can actually handle the physical sensations of any emotion. It is just energy moving through our system.
It turns into a problem when our thoughts start to interfere and give their 2 cents to the experience.
Trust your body that it can handle the energetically charge.
Relax into the sensation.
Feel it.
It is safe to feel in the body.
It really is.
The body is the safest place we could retreat.
Because it lives in the present.
Heartbeat after heartbeat.
Breath after breath.
Our minds on the other hand are never here with us. Never present. Constantly worrying about the future, while taking and projecting from the past.
One of my own biggest struggles is to learn to trust myself again with the decisions I am making in life.
I have hurt myself so much over the past 15-20 years that my mind is constantly digging into the past, reviewing all the wrongs and presenting me with a list of “No ways”, and “we’ve been there, girl” and many more.
And yes, similar situations might arise, but what is different every time is me. Is you.
Once we have gained that awareness and started to walk the path of healing- we are already different people. Yes, the pattern and urge of taking decisions the old way might still be there, but our awareness is loosening the grip it has on us. On our nervous system.
Today I live for a regulated nervous system.
Underneath all the human trauma, underneath all the pain- in the present of the moment- there it is.
I never had regulated nervous system before.
I am learning how to build it up now.
And sometimes it feels like mission impossible- when the whole world is shaking in the midst of the terror of my own pain.
But then the amount of moments where I can actually be calm inside of me and be okay with the emotions that are alive in this moment, just the way they are, is growing.
May these words serve you as a reminder that we do not need to be perfect people in order to be perfect humans.
We do not need to have it all together and wrapped up.
We do not need to be shiny and happy all the time.
We need to be at peace with the existence of our most vulnerable and wounded parts. Their drama would still be there, we will still hurt, but we won't be so dramatic about it.
Because we would know- all the messiness, all the thing we perceive as "not okay" are and will be a great deal of being a divine soul with human experience.
